The Pit of Thomson

As an especially servile beast, I have granted Thomson his very own pit from which he is allowed to occasionally speak to his – that is, my – adoring public. If he behaves to my satisfaction, I may allow him a carpet of pond scum and some blue-green algae curtains.

Thank you, Master, thank you! You are so kind to this unworthy person, oh Great One, so kind!

Yes, yes, enough fawning, you odious worm, get on with it!

Yes, well, of course, Your Imperial Darkness. Now, where were we – oh yes, my own page, how kind is my Dark Master, how kind! Let’s see know, well, I’ve been a writer for many years, mostly doing game books and computer games, like the Way of the Tiger and the Fabled Lands  (Some useful links – or )

I’ve also worked on computer games like Warrior Kings or Fable 3, which I did a bit of writing for.  Until the Dark Lord found me, that is. Since then I have done nothing but work on his life story. In fact, he keeps me locked in this cage, where I have to write to get food, and if I don’t do what he says, he punishes me, or casts spells so that all my hair falls out (it’s definitely a spell, it’s nothing to do with getting old, no really, it isn’t).

Anyway, I need help! Someone help me, get me out of here!! He keeps me imprisoned at…


Sorry, Dark Master, sorry!

Bah, when will you learn not to cross me, Thomson, when? I have no choice, now…

No, not that, Your Dirkness, not that! Hold on, wait – look, I’ve finished another chapter for book 2!

Another chapter, eh? Hmm,  let me see.

<Silence, as Dirk reads, save for the fearful whimpering of the Thomson>

Alright, Thomson, all you do is moan, moan, moan, but this is  good stuff. I’ll let you off trying to escape this time. Now, get back to work!

Yes, my Dark Lord, of course.

Well, puny humans, that’s all I’m going to allow the Thomson to say at the moment. If he’s going to use this forum in a bid to escape my kind and munificent governance, then, well, maybe we should re-think things. We’ll see how he behaves in the future. Still, if you’re actually interested in my slave, you can find a summary of his pitiful existence here: