The Art of Dirkness

So. Freya Hartas. Earth girl. Artist. Slave of the Dirk.


I, the Great Dirk, herein set down for posterity some of the correspondence between me and this talented but rebellious minion. Naturally, I have included only my own words, and not those of the Freya.

We have also posted of some of her rather quirky, yet wonderfully talented art. Though of course my own art is far superior too hers.  Obviously. It’s just that I deign not to show it.  You know, I don’t want to upset her, do I, eh? No, that wouldn’t do, that wouldn’t do at all.  Therefore I will keep my artistic masterpieces to myself.

To the artist, Freya Hartas:

‘I have been informed by various spies, lackeys and minions that you will be illustrating my biography. You are honoured indeed. Note that failure to maintain the highest quality at all times will be met with swift and savage retribution. And I don’t mean some kind of after school detention or extra homework, either!’

‘Oho, so I don’t scare you eh? We shall see, human girl, we shall see!  A brief stint in the Halls of Never Ending Toil should change your mind on that score!!’

‘As for my ghost writer, Thomson, his alacrity in completing the second book was not down to him – you would be amazed how effective the Iron Maiden is as a motivational tool. Though I had to build a special one with an extended belly section for the blubbersome walrus, but still, it was worth it.’

‘Should you become my vassal and swear fealty to the Dark Side, I may deign to gift you a small force of Orcs. However, you have a long way to go before you achieve that, and the odds are you will slip up along the way and I will have to destroy you.‘

 You are a minion of the Dirk. This means that you have already been condemned to a long period of suffering and torture in the Dungeons of Doom. The work you have done so far is just good enough to prevent sentence being carried out. Keep it up and you may escape purgative censure completely.

‘So, welcome to the Court of the Great Dirk. If you are obedient and loyal, you may prosper. If not… well… it is best not to dwell on such things.

Yours Insincerely/Disregards/All the worst




The Great Dirk.

I, the Dark Lord, Master of the Legions of Dread and Sorcerer Supreme, the World Burner, the Dark One,  Master of the Nine Hells, the Lord of Darkness and the Lloyd of Dirkness, his Imperial Darkness and his Imperial Dirkness, Dirk the Magnificent, make this missive my own with this seal, on this date the 19th of Howling Winds, Year of the Dark Lord Two, in the Reign of Iron and Shadows.

A Cloud of Dirkness, by Freya Hartas

Sooz at the Eclipse, by Freya Hartas.